chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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