I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
