I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
