how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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