I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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