I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
