I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You can't just leave with hair like that
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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