Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize