I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
