one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
