1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
