That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
