p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
