sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
