omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
