I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
