I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
