This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
