Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize