My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
