I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
