found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
