I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
