I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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