She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
