Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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