so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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