Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
