May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
