We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
