i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
