you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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