My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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