youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My vagina just clenched in fear
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