omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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