reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
