$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
