the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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