Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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