And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize