I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
