my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
