I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
