Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
