Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
