I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
