That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
