it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
