nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
