If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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