He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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