I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
