i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
