My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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