she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
