I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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