Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
