There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
