She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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