"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
