Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
