We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wish there were birth control emojis
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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