im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
