i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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