You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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