who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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