I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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